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The Daily Fuck...
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The things we do daily to frivilously waste money!
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THIS WEEK'S FUCKS...
Sunday, September 8, 2002
A month ago I cleaned the wood floor of my bedroom. I didn't have any wood floor
cleaner, but did have Windex. I used the Windex on the floor. Today I noticed the
wood floor has deteriorated badly. Must have been the Windex...
Total Wastage: $300 to have the floor resurfaced.
Bob
FUCKS OF WEEK 4...
Saturday, September 7, 2002
Today I played 9 holes of golf.
Total Wastage: 1 dozen balls and 3 hours of my patience. Oh, how my
future children will suffer...
Bob
Friday, September 6, 2002
Today I obtained a job at Initech, negotiating a starting salary of 50,000
dollars a year. Signed paperwork and everything. Then I inexplicably lost
the job after mentioning I knew Bob. But I did walk away with a wet salt shaker.
+$50,000
-$50,000
-10.00 gas for the drive to the interview
+$4.00 i'll get from the salt shaker on eBay.
-------------------------------------------------------
Total Wastage: 6.00
Ben
Thursday, September 5, 2002
Today I bought a 2003 Montreal Expos baseball t-shirt for $16.
Will get back to you on that.
Bob
Wednesday, September 4, 2002
Today I decided to walk 4 blocks to retreive money from an ATM. Sure the one
2 blocks away doesn't deduct service fees and this one did, BUT i figure i'm
helping out the economy.
Total Wastage: $1.50
Bob
Tuesday, September 3, 2002
Today I was in a hurry. Breakfast consisted of six 60 cent packages of beef
sticks from the vending machine in my apartment building.
Cost of breakfast: $3.60
- Cost of Weekly Percent Suggested Intake of salt, paprika, and pepper: $.40
- Cost of all other nutrients: $0.00
Total Wastage: $3.20
Bob
Monday, September 2, 2002
Today I got kicked out of the 'dropping salt shakers in toilets' fetish clinic.
Seems they drew exception to me moving onto pepper shakers.
Total Wastage: $200 for the clinic AND I'm hooked on pepper shakers also.
Bob
Sunday, September 1, 2002
Today I have decided to simplify my apartment life. I refuse to buy toilet paper or
paper towels ever again. No longer will those two items clutter up my living space.
I will use Kleen-ex in their place.
Expected Wastage: Approximately 120 dollars a year.
Bob
FUCKS OF WEEK 3...
Saturday, August 30, 2002
Today I bought a Sex In The City lunchbox. If this show is still popular when
my niece gets a couple more years on her, I think I have a good first-day-of-
kindergarten present for her. Til then, lets just say:
Total Wastage: $20
Bob
Friday, August 29, 2002
Today I got fired from Initech. They caught me dropping salt shakers in toilets.
Total Wastage: $45,000 a year.
Bob
Thursday, August 28, 2002
Today I bought dinner plates for my apartment. Don't think I'll be using these.
Total Wastage: $60
Bob
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
Today I decided it was fun to drop salt shakers in toilets.
$15.00 for 6 salt shakers
+ $200 for a plumber.
Total Wastage: $215
Bob
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Today I used one of those change machines at a local Meijers. You know the
ones, you throw your change in, they give you back paper bills. They took me
for 15%. Bastards.
Change tossed into thieving machine: $40
-Paper received from thieving machine: $34
------------------------------------------------------------
Total Wastage: $6.
Bob
Monday, August 26, 2002
A week ago I bought Girl Scout Cookies. Their cookies are
getting kind of expensive. I had to go with an installment plan.
Today, i missed a payment. They sent the mucle out after me.
Total Wastage: Everything in my wallet and my left pinkey.
Bob
Sunday, August 25, 2002
Today I did laundry. I don't know anything about this. I used some bleech. An
entire bottle to be exact. I think someone once told me a few ounces would do.
Oh well.
Cost of bottle of bleech: $3.50
- Cost of few ounces of bleech: $.05
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Total Wastage: $3.45
Bob
FUCKS OF WEEK 2...
Saturday, August 24, 2002
Today I accidently dropped a salt shaker in my toilet.
Cost of new shaker was $2.50.
Total Wastage: $2.50.
Bob
Friday, August 23, 2002
Today at Initech I was bored. So during lunch, I purchased 10 rolls of duct
tape from a local hardware store. Once back from lunch, I proceeded to make
a duct tape ball the size of a cantelope.
$3.50 per roll of duct tape
x 10 rolls
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Total Wastage: $35 and 4 hours of productivity!
Bob
Thursday, August 22, 2002
Today I bought a Britney Spears cd. I wonder if I get my name on HER thank you page at
Save Britney Spears. Until then, let's just say:
Total Wastage: $15
Bob
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
Today i bought baseball tickets: Cleveland Indians vs Boston Red Sox on Sept 1.
We'll get back to you on that...
Bob
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
Today I plucked down $10 for a bootleg copy of Attack Of The Clones
which contains additional footage. I've saw this before in the
theatre. It disappointed me the first time. And it still disappointed
me the second time. The extra footage still didn't contain Jar-Jar
saying to Anikan: "Ani! Me sah yur fathah!"
Total Wastage: $10
Bob
Monday, August 19, 2002
Today I got lost in my apartment building. I tend to space out and
miss my floor. Was I saying something?
Bob
Today i did laundry, I didn't feel like waiting an hour for the laundry to dry.
Instead I split up 4 dryerloads into 12 dryers. I only had to wait 20 minutes.
Dryer cost: $.50
x Extra dryers: 8
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Wastage: 4 dollars!!
Bob
FUCKS OF WEEK 1...
Saturday, August 17, 2002
Early this morn and last night I smoked two packs of cigarettes.
Total wastage: 8 dollars and 2 months of my life!!
Bob
Thursday, August 15, 2002
Today I told my boss at Initech, "Go to Hell."
Total Wastage: $50,000 a year...
Bob
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
Like omigod...
Today I sooo wanted to meet my former sorority sisters at the local mall because they were in town,
and there was this like totally bitchin sidewalk sale and I totally wanted to buy this jacket I saw
at Lazarus last week, but then Bob told me that I should waste more efficiently, so instead I went
to Saks Fifth Avenue, and bought this denim jacket for like $250 and now I feel like really good
about myself so I think I might go to Starbucks later and maybe even wax pseudo-philisophical with some
local college activist Crustafarians over a couple double-chocolate-espresso lattes which actually taste
nothing like coffee and exactly like McDonalds chocolate milkshakes but cost like $3 more...and then
maybe...
Ben
Monday, August 12, 2002
Today I saw some candy bars on sale. I bought 3, but wasn't hungry, so only ate one. There's a good chance when I get hard up for money you will be able to find the other two on eBay...
Ben
Sunday, August 11, 2002
After attending services at The Church of The Holy Pillow this morning, I was thirsty. I was out of soda and didn't feel like driving 2 minutes to the local Kroger to pick up a 12-pack. Instead I picked up an empty 12-pack box and headed to the vending machine in my apartment complex! Once there, I proceeded to buy can after can of soda, until the empty 12-pack box was full.
Vending machine cost: $7.20
- Kroger cost: $3.00
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Total wastage: $4.20!!
Bob
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